Lifestyle

How to Pick a Sperm Donor 101

by lisadiane

“You don’t pick the sperm donor, the sperm donor picks you!”

Just kidding, I for sure had to pick my sperm donor. Been waiting for a live sperm donor to pick me for quite some time now.

Let me start by clarifying that I have no authority to consider myself an expert whatsoever on picking a sperm donor. I will contribute the success of getting pregnant to some great tips I got from people on how to pick.

Moral of the story, it’s all about the chemistry. Literally. In real life sperm chasing or the online form. As I’ve failed extraordinarily in picking or finding the right sperm donor in real life, I’m happy to say that I figured out the formula for picking the online version.

Here is my story.

When the doctor and I met to talk DIY baby making, I was surprised to find their was no manual, guide or best practices for how to choose a sperm donor. (All I knew was the version I was told growing up. Find a guy, any guy, marry him, and then make a family the good old fashioned way and then do his laundry and clean and cook for him as a thank you.) She showed me the Midwest Sperm Bank which was literally an excel spread sheet with the donors parents ethnicity, their blood type, age, job, some other rando information and then a spot for hobbies to which one donor had written, “Aaron Rodgers look alike!” Let’s just say while It did bring me a moments pause, my smarts kicked in and realized this was an excellent sales technique some dude was using and most likely my baby would look like Chewbacca and not Aaron.

When I started looking at the other sperm donor bank options, I was immediately overwhelmed before I even started. There are 135 sperm banks throughout the US, with hundreds if not thousands of options per bank. Along with that, human men, whether they were joking or not, for some reason started coming out of the woodwork and throwing their sperm at me when they found I was looking! (SUPER figuratively, not literally. Wow, that sounded crazy.)

I did a little internet research and found out the Seattle Sperm Bank had the best reviews. It also seemed they did a great job vetting their donors. There were baby pictures of the donors to look at, a full health profile, audio interviews, and more. It was WAY too much information. I prefer to be told what to do. Tell me which one is the best choice. All I want is a healthy baby, nothing else matters.

This process took me months as I had no one tell me how to pick! I hate shopping, and going through the list of donors was like shopping at TJMaxx. Lonely, confusing, hard to know what the good stuff is and what the filler items are. I had my sister in law attempt to help as well at first, but that was a lot of pressure to put on someone. Eventually I figured out how to navigate the process like I normally do. I wasted a few months searching through man profiles confused. Literally just like online dating.

I emailed the bank for help.

Based on advice from other women who had gone through the sperm donor selection process, there were only 3 things that were important in choosing a donor. And no. FAQ’s tells me you want to know the answer to this. I had zero cares in the world about what the baby looked like. Me, Denzel Washington, George Washington, or Lin Manuel Miranda, I didn’t care. I just wanted a healthy baby and to be able to get pregnant.

Here’s the list of MUST HAVE’S:

  1. Their blood type complimented mine. So this is important because it decreases your chance of miscarriage tremendously. Some blood types fight others and your body sees the sperm as a threat and not an adorable bouncing baby.
  2. They have no genetic preconditions. This was important to me as I didn’t want to spend the money getting my own genetics mapped. You both have to have the gene for the mutation in order to cause it, so if I have any bad genes, it wouldn’t be a problem because they didn’t have any genetic mutations.
  3. They had already had a live pregnancy. Many of the donors are first time donors and had yet to have their swimmers work in making a babe. Not that they won’t work. BUT because I literally had all my eggs in the IUI basket as I couldn’t afford IVF, this was important so I knew their little swimmers were as good as Micheal Phelps.

I sent this list of requirements to the Seattle Sperm Bank via email and they sent me back 8 choices. I was blown away. Because there were thousands of options to pick from, I couldn’t believe it was only 8 that fit these 3 simple things. And then I still had to pick 1. I wanted to narrow it down again, so I requested they narrow the list to include only the ones of those 8 who fit these requirements.

  1. 6 foot or taller (Because, why not? I could use some help on the higher shelves.)
  2. Smart (They will be rolling with me and I need them to hang. Because I’m sharp. As a tack. In the brains. Or they could help me graduate college. Shut up.)
  3. Athletic. (We be ballin’. I just want us to be able to play sand volleyball together like my mom and I do. Plus, scholarships.)

That narrowed it down to 3 choices. I was going to let my friends pick for me from those 3 options, but ended up picking myself because… let’s be honest, this isn’t The Bachelorette or an arranged marriage.

One of those 3 donors was out of stock, which helped me get it to two. Both of the two remaining donor options were amazing, but I recklessly (or… brilliantly) made the final decision because one of the sperm donors baby pictures had him in a Packers shirt. Where I’m from, being a Packers fan runs in the blood and I didn’t want to end up having to give my kid away because they turned out a Seahawks fan or something.

A picture of the sperm donor I selected as a child. Only a true Packer fan will understand that I had to chose this donor based on this picture. Packer blood runs deep.

Something interesting is that most donors now days are Open Donors, which means when the child is 18, they are allowed to seek out the donor. I’m guessing this is because with modern technology and DNA testing, they would be able to find them anyway. I struggle with this part of the narrative because my hope is that my child has a human father soon and never cares to know where their DNA came from. We will cross that bridge when we have to.

So here I am! Scientifically DIY pregnant with a chemically appropriate sperm donor. Hoping the next kid will be conceived by a sexually chemistry matched live sperm donor and the device to insert the sperm looks and feels a little different, but if not, I at least know the algorithm to get results.

TMI?

Oh, and here’s a little about the lucky donor. Eric wants to be a commercial real estate broker when he grows up. He’s only 25 right now. (Sperm donors have to be between 19-29) He has a sister. His mom is half Filipino and half Irish. His dad is German. He got a 1710 on his SAT’s and considers himself an introverted extrovert. He loves animals and BBQ, and is an amazing athlete.

This is a profile of the sperm donor I chose. It is just a summary, I was also able to listen to him talk, read about his and his families medical history, and more.

A First Trimester Reflection/Over 3 Months Sober

by lisadiane

Sorry for the delay in blogging; been too busy enjoying my last few months of freedom before I’m never alone again forever. I will now give you a smattering of information and thoughts that I will separate by paragraphs for easy reading, but each paragraph will not include the same subject and would be graded poorly if reviewed by an educator.  Fair? 

Seriously, being pregnant is awesome.  I love it. I’m telling you, if things continue to go as swell as this, I’m going to get knocked up right away after and go for a second or be a surrogate.  I haven’t gained a pound which is FREAKING FANTASTIC NEWS.  Also, if one more person tells me I’m glowing they’re going to get a big fat smackeroo on the lips.  Seriously.  Love.

I feel really guilty acknowledging this out loud.  There are moms out there that may want to slice my throat open for things going this smoothly.  Including my own mom who has just recently stopped calling me in the morning asking me if “my symptoms have kicked in yet”.  (She had it rough with all 3 of us kids) I will say I did have 3 days a couple weeks ago where I felt fairly nauseous. BUT, I was in Charleston where it was 118 degrees with 1000% humidity so it also could have been that.  I just kept sucking on sour candy and stealing my nieces and nephews snacks they had packed for our field trips and I survived. 

Oh wait, I did throw up once.  Oh, and dry heaved over the toilet once.  So, 2 timesish. But to be honest that’s because I gagged myself with my toothbrush.  If you’ve ever seen me brush my teeth, I get pretty aggressive.  The Little does NOT like my current style of teeth brushing so I’ve had to ease up on that. 

As far as my “say yes to everything” attitude, I haven’t slowed down even a little.  I’ve traveled, golfed, happy houred, networked and gone to everything I’m invited to.  The past week (I’m at 14 weeks) I’ve had a TON of energy.  Over the past few months I’ve done some controversial things like drank the fresh squeezed lemonade at the Wisconsin State Fair and ate half of a really shitty looking lunch meat style sandwich in a box on a golf tournament.  My Little will have my incredible immune system.  I can drink the water in Mexico and sit on ANY public toilet.  (Except black toilets.  I hate black toilets) Oh, and last week I rode on a Bird Scooter because I was late to a meeting. Actually, a date.  More on that later.  I do in hindsight admit that was slightly reckless and won’t do it again. 

Lucky cousins at the 1st Ultrasound!

I had my first doctor appointment with an ultrasound where I got to see that there was one singular Little Travel Buddy in there with 2 arms, 2 legs and a heartbeat of 161 beats per minute so that was really relieving.  I brought with my lucky nieces who were there during the insemination, Georgia and Ivy, as well as their mom Natalie, and my mom.  My best friend Cynthia was there too, but only for breakfast before at one of my favorite breakfast spots in the city (Mimosa.  You must go if you haven’t been.) because she happened to have her 6-week postpartum appointment at the same place and same time!  It was amazing to have the gang all there.  Also, my mom made “ghost” cookies for the staff as a thank you for knocking me up.  (Mind wandering… wondering if she would have baked those same cookies for a guy if that’s how I ended getting pregnant instead?)

“Ghost” Cookies for the staff at the OBGYN office as a thank you

During the appointment, I could tell in classic Lisa style I did a couple of controversial things.  There’s always got to be that one person that goes against the grain, doesn’t there? (I believe our biggest enemy is the status quo so I’m used to the distaste I often get from others when I challenge the norm) First thing was when the doctor asked me if I wanted genetic testing done, I said “Yes please!”.  Listen, I’m not saying that I wouldn’t be a-ok with a special needs baby, because I would.  I’m saying, it would be nice to be prepared if that was the case by researching and having my budget appropriately planned for the type of childcare and support that would require.  Test results were negative which is great but not 100% conclusive. 

Second thing I did that made Natalie and my mom feign with disapproval was that I asked about a planned C-Section.  Geez Louise people, I like to know all my options.  First of all, I get 2 extra weeks paid time off for a C-Section with Short Term Disability so there’s that.  (Did you know that the US is in the bottom 5 in the entire world for supporting working mothers having children? We only get 6 weeks paid, but only if we have Short Term Disability, and only a portion of our income. FMLA allows us to take 12 weeks off if we can afford it without losing our jobs. The World Health Organization recommends a minimum of 16 weeks off for your body to recover) Secondly, I already have a wild gnarly scar on my stomach from an emergency appendectomy so it would be cool to have a collection of them.  Thirdly, I’m still very single so it would be really nice for the future love of my life to meet my lady bits in all their glory before they are destroyed by a human emerging from them.  Just sayin’.  Not saying I’ll do it; I just would like to know my options.  Geez.  (Sidenote:  I love my mom and Natalie with all my heart and all of you as well so I am not at all discouraged by people challenging my decisions and disagreeing with me so I’m not even a little mad at them and you as well if you decide to weigh in.  I went into this full transparency, so I expect the healthy disagreements in opinions. Just so you know I ain’t mad about it and feel free to bring it without hurting my feelings)

My favorite part of the appointment was how excited Georgia was.  I gave her one of the pictures from the ultrasound and Natalie says she takes it with her everywhere.  I was telling Georgia about my doctor and how she has 3 little girls.  I rattled off the names of the girls, one of which was Amaya, and Georgia immediately fixated on that name and now calls the baby Amaya.  Natalie said to Georgia, “but what if it’s a boy?”  to which Georgia replied, “but what if it’s a girl?”  Touché Georgia.  Touché. 

Georgia showing off her 10 week in utero new cousin to her dad/my brother. The cutest ever.

Another quite magical part of this pregnancy is how attractive I am to men at the moment.  I’ve NEVER gotten this much attention in my life from men.  It’s pretty awesome.  My first experience into this phenomenon was in a Taco Bell drive through. (I promise that was my only Taco Bell drive through moment so far. It’s not a thing, it was just the only convenient thing on the way home from a late night work event. But now I really want Taco Bell.) The young man with the headset in the drive through taking orders was in his early 20’s and wearing a taco as a hat. He proceeded to tell me I was “rocking that bomber jacket”. (It was a pretty cool bomber jacket from Rent The Runway.) He wrote his name and number down and passed it to me saying “just in case” with a wink.  Because I was so surprised and flattered, my response was putting my hands over my heart and bursting into a huge smile and saying “THANK YOU!!!!” with enthusiasm because I was over the moon excited to be found attractive to anyone whilst pregnant. In hindsight, I feel bad for that reaction.  He probably was convinced that meant I was going to call him and waited by the phone for weeks.  I did not. It wasn’t the hat. The hat was the sexiest part.

My second experience was a Meet Cute IRL in the Apple Store with one of the Geniuses.  (Meet Cute is what they call it when you meet someone now days in the wild and not online.  IRL means “In Real Life”.  You’re welcome.) He was getting me hooked up with a new phone because I don’t put mine in a case, so it was all jacked up.  We had some fun banter the whole time.  I knew he might be into me when he offered to look at cases with me and left the Genius Bar to go slumming in the retail section. (I know from getting many a broken phone replaced that this is not at all something that happens IRL)  After more banter before I left, he asked if I might want to continue our conversation to which I excitedly replied “YES!” and he then asked for my number.  It was wild.  I genuinely can not remember the last time a man asked for my number IRL.  Maybe in Phoenix, years ago.  A guy followed me to my car outside of the grocery store and offered to put my groceries in the car. Psycho.  I blogged about that and was going to hyperlink the blog post for your to read but I’m so bad at technology that I can’t even access the website anymore. Not to give away the climax of this story but it’s too bad things didn’t work out with the Genius from the Apple Store, he could have helped me restore my old blog. He was hot. Anyways, me and the Genius went on a date to the Milwaukee Art Museum, and then he ghosted me after that.  I did not tell him I was pregnant.  He could have googled my name.  Whatevs.  Still got it!

Sorry for being a blogging slacker.  I do understand I scared many of you with my lack of communication, but I promise me and my Little Travel Buddy are doing great.  We even bought a rug for his or her nursery, so things are getting serious.  I’ll be better this next time I promise. 

Proof!

Thanks for following me on my adventure into motherhood!

Lisa

8 Weeks Pregnant/30 Days Sober

by lisadiane

Or 6 weeks. Whatever. At least the more time goes by it doesn’t feel as strange tacking on a couple extra weeks.

Even though I’m 9 weeks pregnant tomorrow, I thought I would give you an 8-week update. Honestly, I had such big plans to blog at least weekly. I think about it all the time. I have these great subjects and great pictures, but holy cannoli am I tired. If I could arrange life to nap between 2pm-4pm every day I think I would be fine. But that’s my only symptom.  Other than that, I have just had thoughts over weeks 6-8 and I figured I would share those with you in lieu of symptoms.

  • Riding on Birds/Limes/Spins/Scooters. – For sure one of my favorite forms of transportation.  You can read about my thoughts on them here.  Even though I’ve seen my mom and a friend of mine eat some serious crap on them over the past couple of weeks, I just love those things.  I figure I have to ride them until I start showing because a pregnant lady riding on an electric scooter will probably be frowned upon by most people I blow by.  I did google if the vibrations are safe of going over the bumps and stuff and apparently my little travel buddy is surrounded by a crap ton of amniotic fluid so they are fine.  Plus, don’t some pregnant people run?  That’s probably bouncy.  (You can tell I’m not familiar with the inner workings of “running”)
  • Meet my new best friend. –  It’s too embarrassing to talk about, but I literally couldn’t get through life without my best friend.  You can read about my best friend here.
  • Non-Alcoholic Beer Sucks. – Well, at least from what I’ve tried.  I’ve heard I’m supposed to give St. Pauli Girl a chance, but it’s not on the top of my priority list.  Mocktails though…  Milwaukee really rocks at making me feel like I’m drinking when I’m out with my friends.  Beautiful tasty drinks everywhere.  Detroit was amazing at it too.  I’ll have to blog separately (about Mocktails AND Detroit!) because I have so many delightful pictures of mocktails (and Detroit!).  I’ve been really proud of my friends for continuing to include me in after school activities.  In fact, I get to be the boat captain on the a pontoon ride down the river with some girlfriends on Friday. You might think they are taking advantage of me as a designated driver who is comfortable driving boats, but I see myself as a really cool boating friend! Keep in mind I’m down to about 7 months of freedom and have to live it up before someone arrives that calls all the shots. I want to do ALL the things.
  • Dating while pregnant is turning out to not be a thing. – Can’t say I haven’t tried.  I mean, in my mind I have a very limited amount of time to date the normal way.  *Insert daydream here of a date where a simple drink turns into dinner turns into a long walk turns into a makeout sesh turns into talking for hours until the sun comes up* *Then insert daynightmare of date where a drink has to end because your childcare facility closes as 6 and you hadn’t planned additional childcare for your spontaneous want to keep talking to handsome stranger date and then you have to go on 17 other 1 hour dates over the next 2 years with same guy just to get enough time to decide he’s not the one and you’ve spent a lot of money on childcare figuring that out*  I was going to continue to online date but really couldn’t wrap my head around how to manage the “bait and switch” of dating while pregnant.  I mean, I could put in my profile “I’m pregnant but don’t worry, there’s no father yet and that could be you!”  No, that makes me look psychotic and probably will attract some people but certainly not for the right reasons and I certainly don’t want to have to sort through that.  Dating has become a little more serious in my mind as well because I’m not only vetting a potential partner for myself, I’m now vetting a father for my child and this guy better be DAMN good because my child deserves the best. (Funny I never thought I deserved the best until now? Classic codependent.) I did attend a singles event at The Iron Horse Hotel last week with some friends though.  I had my mocktail in hand and did my thing where I was funny hoping that would attract some fish but turns out my personal brand of super extra with a side of sarcasm combined with the nervous energy I was fostering of hiding a “secret” from the guys I was talking to was not a winning combination.  No dates for me. Not worried though. There’s a guy out there looking for a single mom who is wildly successful (and by wildly successful I mean mildly successful), hilarious and often (always) inappropriate, who loves to travel, do outside things, do inside things, is happy 99% of the time, and displays her personal life for all to see via a very unpopular blog because she doesn’t know how to use technology or social media properly to advertise even though if she did she could probably get a book deal and live out her dream life of traveling and writing while observing humankind in all their different types of habitats for a living. 
  • My skin looks AMAZING. – At first I was 100% convinced I was having a boy because of my lack of symptoms and beautiful skin (apparently girls take away your beauty and make life miserable according to an old wives tale) but then I realize my skin looks this great 100% because I haven’t drank alcohol in over 30 days and I’m chugging water like it’s my job.  *Side Note:  I will not be finding out what I am having because I hate surprises but also like to challenge myself to step outside my comfort zone.
  • My child may come out of me with burst eardrums. – I drive a fair amount for work and normally listen to books on tape… er… I mean Audible but because of my temporary narcolepsy I am no longer able to improve my mind while in the car and now have to focus on my lung capacity and keeping myself awake. So I have been singing at the top of my lungs. I pick one artist or one station and go hard for my hour drive to and from Madison. So, my future traveling buddy will come out well versed in Paul Simon, Miranda Lambert, John Mayer, Hip Hop, Country Music, The Best of Hip Hop and R&B from the late 90’s and early 2000’s, The Best of the 90’s, and Yacht Rock.
  • I need a Night Nurse. – Yes, I’m still sleeping like a rock star.  Actually, sleeping is one of my superpowers.  Apparently, babies wake up every two hours.  I watched this movie called Tully (Just watch this preview) and now I’m hyper obsessed with Night Nurses. Night Nurses basically work 3rd shift and come over at night and take care of your baby while you sleep and clean your house and when it’s time for you to pump or nurse, they bring the equipment or baby to your bedside boob and hook everything up while you remain in REM if you would like.  When you wake up in the morning they are gone like fairies and your house is in perfect order, there’s breakfast waiting on the table, all your laundry is done, and your baby is content.   Despite the fact that they can cost $350-$1000 a night and that is certainly not in my budget.  You can find me at the casino nightly trying to win it big in order to add this childcare service to my life.  A good friend of mine has already offered to come into town from Arizona to night nurse for me for 4 nights as her baby shower gift.  I was overwhelmed with joy.  In fact, this concept is so fascinating to me, that my best friend just had a baby 4 weeks ago and they both weren’t sleeping well, so I went over there at 3 o’clock in the afternoon and told her to go to sleep.  I took care of and fed the baby, she woke up exclusively to pump every 4 hours (and to probably check on her child let’s be honest).  She got in 10 solid hours of sleep, I got in a shit ton of snuggle time.  I left at 7am.  Only thing is I did no cleaning. And I was pretty noisy when I left unlike a fairy. I also left a mess, ate her food and lost 3 pacifiers.  If you need a night nurse, you just give me a call.  I’m all about earning some good night nurse karma right now!
  • I’m sick and it won’t go away. – What the heck is this garbage?  I don’t get sick.  I have an award-winning immune system.  I can even drink the water in Mexico. I mean, who gets sick in summer?  I promise I will never take Sudafed for granted again.  I miss taking the drugs. So it’s been a solid week of a hard core cold and cough.  Annoying.  Someone told me I could take a Tylenol.  I laughed.  I might as well take a standard gummy bear and call it a day.
  • Finding childcare is going to be a pain in my rear. – A. Expensive. B. Inflexible. C. Inconvenient.  Is it too much to ask for childcare that is in my budget that allows for my flexible schedule?  If anyone wants to give me a lifestyle quiz and then take this task of finding childcare off my plate that would be great, thanks.  Apparently, you have to start before conception as well because there are waiting lists years long.  Should have thought about this 10 years ago. Anyone else downtown Milwaukee want to do a Nanny share or that does in-home care?  Or that doesn’t charge too much and wants to just hang out with my kid when I need you to?    
  • I don’t like my future travel buddy being compared to fruit. – So I changed the filter on my pregnancy app to strange things.  Last week my little travel buddy was the size of one of those firework poppers that you throw in the street and they explode.  This week it’s the size of a 2×2 Lego.  Can’t wait to find out what size they are tomorrow!
  • I made my first baby purchase.  –My amazing SIL Natalie send me a link to the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen. I had to buy them. I mean, they were on clearance at Nordstrom Rack.  I pretty much had to.  I bought two sizes as well because my child will wear them and love them so much and then years later will be like, do you remember those shoes that looked like Sushi?  I loved those.  And then I’ll be like, well in fact I do remember those and I want to make your wildest dreams come true so here they are in your current size because I knew this moment would come.  And then I win at parenting.  See?  Always thinking ahead.  Super strategic they call me. 
The best dog in the world can’t wait for her new best friend to wear her face on their feet.

And that’s about that for my thoughts! Thanks for joining me on this journey! Look forward to sharing all the things with you.

Lisa