Six Week Warning

Holy Cannoli it’s getting close.  I still feel amazing, with the exception of a few minor symptoms that popped up.  I mean, small price to pay, and could be WAY worse but still, if you’re planning on doing this DIY baby stuff, you should know what you’re getting yourself into.  I’ll tell you about the crummy stuff but let me tell you about some awesome stuff first! 

I’ve only gained 13 pounds which makes me happy.  I was hoping the baby would take the fat from my arms to create its life, but it has not done that.  Good news is that the baby has not added any fat deposits to anywhere on my body except my protruding stomach.  Also, zero stretch marks besides two little ones by my giant emergency appendix scar.  I’ve been religiously rubbing my belly with this cocoa butter which my other pregnant friend suggested. It smells like dessert, so my dog follows me around sniffing me and I have to run away from her. 

Getting Bigger!

This may be TMI, but I have to tell you that my boobs are AMAZING.  Actually, I’m sure this is too much information, but I guess your nipples (Yes gentleman, I said nipples) get darker so the baby can find them.  That’s all I will say about that but, wow.  It’s too bad I’m going through this pregnancy single.  What a special gift to the dads out there during what could be a trying time.  Good for you dads!

The baby moves all day long. Loves when I eat, drink, and sit still. I can see it moving when I look down, but the second I put a hand on my stomach to feel the kicks, the baby stops. Same goes for anyone. No one has been able to corner the baby, including me. This baby will be really shy, very easy to soothe, or a ninja.

There’re many other lovely wonderful things but let me hit on some of the not so great side effects I’m experiencing.

Holy acid reflux batman.  I have never experienced anything like this in my life.  I spent my entire babymoon on the beach in Fort Myers, Florida burping out loud (my poor friend Sara) and chewing on antacids.  My chest and throat, the spot where you start to feel throw-uppy from, literally burned all day every day. You want to know what causes it you say?  Oh, just water, ice water, any beverage, air, any food, spicy food, bland food, no food, too much food.  That’s it.  My doctor told me to take omeprazole every morning which has helped tremendously, unless I forget to take it.  One time I took a sip of wine and it burned so bad I never want to drink wine again.  True story.

Burpin’ on my Babymoon

Then there’s this strange pelvic bone pain that happens any time I stand in one place for a length of time or walk for too long.  It feels like my pelvic bone is literally ripping apart. (I guess it’s called symphysis pubis diastasis (SPD)) So, then I have to squat for a while, unless I can find a chair, then I just sit for a while.  This symptom is hard for me.  I like walking.  And standing.  They are my favorite activities. Again, felt bad for my poor friend Sara on the Babymoon who has vacationed with me before and was used to long walks on the beach.  This time they turned into short walks on the beach followed by me crouching into a squat and telling her to just leave me and go on without me.  One time, I toured a client’s space for AN HOUR AND A HALF.  The pain started at 15 minutes into the tour and because I refuse to let pregnancy cause me any setbacks at work or allow anyone to perceive me as anything other than a normal healthy human, I grimaced my way through and then sat in my car afterwards screaming until the pain subsided.  I’m fine.  It’s fine. 

A new symptom that popped up last week that is blowing my mind is that I’ve developed carpal tunnel syndrome.  In my wrists and hands.  Yup.  WTF?????  Apparently, this is a thing that happens?????  I can’t even.  I woke up one morning with the tips of my 3 fingers on my left hand numb for a while.  Freaked out, phoned a friend, they said it was normal, then I hit the google research and can’t even.  This may sound like a “my dog ate my homework” moment, but it has severely delayed my thank you card writing from the beautiful baby showers that have been thrown for me!  I can only write a few, and then my wrist and hand are in too much pain and I must take a time out for a while.  I know.  You don’t believe me.  You’ll have to look it up but… yeah.  Wild.

I did a few flights in January and found out that congestion is a symptom.  Blew my nose on the beach in Florida for a week.  Blew my nose in Phoenix for a weekend.  Spent a week in Texas for work blowing my nose the whole time.  (Writing this now I see the upside is that I spent 15 of the 31 days of January in a warm climate) People would come up to me and sympathetically say… “Oh, you poor thing, you’re sick” and I would respond with, “No, apparently it’s just a side effect of pregnancy.  Lots of extra mucus.”  If you don’t like boogers, you won’t like being pregnant.  Thank God I love boogers. The congestion won’t stop event though I’m grounded now. It’s affected my sleep. You know how I love my sleep. I can’t imagine what my neighbors must think as they listen to 3 HOURS AND 7 MINUTES of snoring.

That’s too much snoring. It’s lowering my normally 100% sleep quality.

Well, that’s it for the symptoms.  Now I’m preparing for living my best alone life for the next 6 weeks.  This is my list of activities to do.  Feel free to give me suggestions that I haven’t thought of!

  1. Carry around only my keys, wallet and phone.
  2. Go to the casino and stay until the wee hours of the night.
  3. Sleep 14 hours strait every chance I get.
  4. Say yes to EVERYTHING without ever even considering I might have to pay for and arrange childcare to say yes in the future!

Wow, the possibilities are endless.  Thanks for being on this journey with me!

I Got 99 Problems But This Baby’s Heart’s Not One

Hit me. Bad blogger alert.  I’m 2 weeks behind on giving you an update on my little baby travel buddy nuggets’ heart.  Been too busy slaying hearts again.  Seriously, for some reason I am WILDLY attractive to men while being pregnant.  Can I always be pregnant forever? This time, I was asked out IN PUBLIC whilst being 6 months pregnant.  I’ve only gained 5ish pounds and it’s all baby, so from the boobs up I guess it must be hard to tell. And these boobs. Hubba Hubba. I was sitting at Camp Bar, the best bar, in the 3rd Ward with my friend drinking some hot chocolate (she was drinking a vodka for full context) and a couple guys came up and asked to share our table.  After a couple fun hours, dude asks me out on a date.  I told him that I would give him my number and my full name, and that he should google me and then text me and decide if he still wants to go out on a date.  Next day, he texted me saying he has some questions, but would still like to take me out.  Go figure. 

So back to baby.  2 weeks ago I had my ultrasound with the fetal cardiologist.  The ultrasound technician did about 25 minutes of work measuring, taking pictures, and listening to and recording flows of blood.  Heart rate was 123 for all of you tracking that with your baby gender guesses.  (You people better be gambling on this… I’m not giving you this opportunity to gamble against each other for nothing!)  Basically, she did a full echo-cardiogram on the baby. 

The fetal cardiologist walked in.  He was 14.  Doogie Howser, M.D.  I mean, obviously he was older that that but at my age they all look young.  (Can you believe I’m at that age where I say things like “they all look young”?)  He was the opposite of what I imagined a cardiologist would be.  He was calm, humble, and had great bedside manner.  Super weird.  Just kidding, he was lovely, obviously.  The first thing he said was “I’m not saying I’m a better doctor than the other doctor who told you there was a hole but all I do for a living is look at babies’ hearts and I don’t see a hole.”  To which my mom who was with me and I try to high five him and say, “Hell yeah you’re a better doctor!”  and he blushed and said “Oh no no no, I wasn’t trying to say I was, I was just defending him.” 

You read that correctly, baby does not have VSD.   Dr. Cardiologist says he saw the picture the other doctor looked at and said that he saw “an artifact”, not a hole.  But since they did do a full echo-cardiogram, Dr Cardiologist did find something out of sorts.  Baby has an extra vein.  Yes, of course, my baby is an overachiever already, what did you expect.  

It’s called Persistent Left Superior Vena Cava.  He drew me a picture because he was lovely.  1 out of 300 people have it but don’t know it because they have never had a full echo-cardiogram.  It’s usually found if someone is getting heart surgery for something unrelated later in life because they can’t put something in on that side?  Wow, I’m doing a great job explaining this. I guess it hasn’t showed up yet on any of my medical dramas so I’m not an expert yet. Just google it, it’s not that bad, I promise.  The baby can come out normal, it’s not in high risk anymore.  They will do an ultrasound of the baby’s heart after it comes out to check really good without all the goo and placenta and my stomach fat and my skin in the way.  Also they will check again in a month with Dr. Cardiologist as well. 

A rare piece of doctor art showing what a Persistent Left Superior Vena Cava is.

Great news, right!!!  Baby is currently trying to prove to me that they are healthy as a horse by using my insides as a punching bag.  Love this kid already because they only act up during the day.  We sleep like angel babies through the night.  Me, the little nugget face, and my other little nugget face Sushi.  Sushi is LOVING the new belly activity.  We just started feeling the baby on the outside so Sushi has been spending time laying her head on my belly bonding with her new little sister or brother.  I die.  It’s everything.

Watching my little babies snuggling in the morning… The smaller one is kicking the bigger one in the face in this picture.

I’m still doing amazing.  I’ve never in my entire life felt this good or happy or healthy.  I’m doing everything in my power to enjoy my final few months of freedom before I’m never alone again.  My only complaint is that after 4 o’clock, I’m literally a burp factory.  I try to burp it all out but can’t stop taking in air which just keeps coming out.  Buy stock of Tums immediately, I’ll make you an good ROI.  Oh shit, was that insider trading? 

Thanks for being with me on this journey!  I appreciate all the support. 

Vivid Dreams, Hormones and Loneliness

It can’t all be unicorns and rainbows, can it? I know I normally make you laugh, but today I’m going to give you a little story about a reality check moment I had last week. For 19 weeks, almost 5 dang months, I have been an absolute emotional rock star. I’ve felt joyous and excited and strong and ready. I spent a year before getting pregnant preparing my mind for going through this alone. And one vivid dream activated the hormones.

One of my favorite symptoms of this pregnancy have been the vivid dreams. Most of them have been… ahem… really nice. The other night though, I had one that shook me. Let me tell you about it.

I walk into a bar with the man of my dreams. He’s brilliant, sharp, hilarious, attentive, patient, gorgeous, ambitious AND successful. Along with every other box checked on my dream man checklist. We sit at the bar, and he orders me a water and a juice without asking because he knows the baby only wants toddler food and drinks right now. He demands a menu because he knows I get lightheaded and hangry when then baby is hungry. When the bartender starts quizzing me on why I’m not drinking at a bar, he comes to my side with pride and explains that I’m pregnant. I order the mac and cheese because they don’t have peanut butter and jelly. Toddler food or bust.

Next bar we go to, same song and dance. At this point we are having a blast. I’m not hangry anymore so I’m back to my wild and crazy self, which he loves. He eggs me on and laughs with me while we make friends with everyone at the bar and tell inappropriate jokes. When I flirt with the bartender, he pretends he’s jealous, but he knows I’m obsessed with him and don’t have eyes for anyone else. I knew the second I laid eyes on him in the Cermak produce department that he was the one. He knows it’s important for me to have fun and be a normal person, not a recluse.

Next bar we hop too, he’s leading the charge. He’s making sure I’m hydrated and taken care of; he’s proudly telling everyone we meet about the baby. I’m next to him filled with adoration and gratitude to have such a wonderful man by my side. The bartender tells us how lucky we are to have found one another and how compatible we are and how he loves how we make each other laugh.

We leave in an Lyft to get home, and we tell dad jokes in the backseat, having a blast, making the driver of the Lyft laugh and just being crazy and having fun, just like we always do. We get back home and I wake up from my dream.

You know that moment after you wake from a great dream? You lay in bed trying to make the dream keep going. That moment when it’s no longer a dream, but a fantasy. I fantasized of all the memories me and my dream man would have over the next few months. Feeling the baby kick for the first time together. Going to the ultrasounds and seeing the baby wiggling around. Footrubs when my feet start swelling up. A Babymoon in Grand Cayman or The Bahamas because those are the only places the doctor will let us go because of Zika. The drive to the hospital when the contractions start. The final moments of it just being us two while I push and he holds my hand and then…

I had to cut myself off. Because I was sobbing. Because it was just a dream and a fantasy. And I’m alone. Those dang hormones and a dream finally broke me.

I’m an eternal optimist who lives and breathes by The Secret (The law of attraction and the power of positive thinking) so I do believe my dream man is out there and will find me some day.

Until then, I have reached the point where doing this alone has become a little sad and lonely. I used to brag that I get to make all my own decisions and don’t have to deal with someone else’s input, but then I’m sitting on the sofa a couple weeks ago, feel the baby move for the first time, and look to the other end of the sofa and realize it’s just me and I have no one to share that special moment with.

I know all my friends reading this are shaking their heads and wagging their finger at me saying, “you can always call me, I’m always there for you!” But they all know it’s not the same.

I debated writing about this and sharing this story because a) you’re all used to hilarious stories and clever tales from me and b) I don’t want anyone, especially my future baby to think I ever had one moment of pause on doing this.

Someone reminded me though that I have to tell this story and share my emotions for a few reasons. 1) all the single moms and future single moms out there reading this have to know that this journey isn’t all sunshine and rainbows and that it can be very lonely. 2) my child will read this some day and I never want them to resent me for doing this alone. I want them to know that I always planned on completing our family and giving them a father figure but I wanted them so desperately and didn’t want to miss my biological window 3) To validate for myself how much I do crave a partner and that even though I’m getting what I always prayed for with a baby, I remain diligent in my journey to also find love for myself. I remain hopeful that I will find a wonderful father for my child and supportive respectful partner for me someday.

I also want you all to know that it’s all good. I read this excavator book to my best friends child 14,324 times while snuggling on the sofa and I’m back to being so very excited for moments like this with my own little nugget. I’m so grateful that this worked. I’m constantly filled with gratitude that the Lord blessed me with this incredibly special gift when women and men all over the world including very good friends of mine suffer daily with fertility challenges. I’ll never take it for granted.

The excavator book. If you would like, I’ve memorized it and can tell you everything there is to know about excavators.

Thanks for your support on this journey, and I promise my next post will be filled with laughs.

A 20 Week Baby Bump to make you feel better after reading that post. Halfway there!